The Crying Game Read online

“We have a spare car and a fucking driver, William.”

  “She just came from out of nowhere, alright? It was the best I could come up with!”

  “You have to get rid of her.”

  “I can’t tell her to just leave!”

  “What the hell are you talking about? You practically cream when I ask you to fire someone.”

  “Fine,” William said. “I’ll go.”

  “Thank you.”

  *

  “I can bring the breakfast to the pool house,” Berta said, picking up the breakfast tray.

  “No!” William said. “Berta, thank you for breakfast but you have to leave.”

  “But I—”

  “Fuck, Berta,” William said, reaching into the pocket of his shorts for some cash. He handed the neatly folded bills to her. “Take this. Leave, and never speak about this to anyone. Understood?”

  For a minute Berta stood a bit surprised, and then she took the bills.

  *

  William took the breakfast tray to the pool house and placed it on the bed for Alex, who was in the shower. He sat on the bed, picked up the two bottles of pills and took one out from each bottle, swallowed them down with the orange juice.

  “Is she gone?” Alex asked, wrapping a towel around his waist.

  “Yeah,” William said, placing the bottles on the nightstand.

  Alex sat on the bed and William faced him. They started eating their breakfast. “Did you do this?”

  “No. Berta did.”

  “You couldn’t make a pancake if your life depended on it.”

  “Neither could you,” William said. “So quit acting like you’re so much better than I am.”

  “I can cook.”

  “You can fake it. Something I’m sure you’re good at.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “Well I guess I should be glad at least it's not me you’re faking with.”

  “I don’t fake with Sofia.”

  “Right.”

  “I could be bi, you know?”

  William laughed. “You’re not bi.”

  “Can’t we have fun without you getting all passive aggressive?”

  “You’re right, I’m sorry.”

  Alex set the breakfast aside.

  “I want you to lie back down,” he said.

  William didn’t have to be told twice. He leaned back on the bed and Alex pulled his shorts down then took them off, ran a hand over William’s cock, caressing his balls. Then he picked up the glass maple syrup dispenser, poured the liquid over William’s chest in small streams, and a little over his cock. He set the dispenser aside and went down on William’s cock, and William was unable to stop the sounds coming from his throat. He lay back, enjoying it and Alex took his mouth off William’s cock, sliding his tongue over the streams of syrup on William’s chest. One moment everything was perfect and the next, William felt like he couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t focus on Alex anymore and shoved him away, ran to the bathroom to splash water on his face, but it didn't help.

  “Are you alright?”

  “Pills!”

  Alex went back into the room and was back with one of the bottles and William took if from him and popped one pill and slid down to the floor, back against the bathroom wall. After a while, the panic attack subsided and William could breathe normally again, but his body was still shaking from the sudden adrenaline rush.

  “Are you supposed to do that?” Alex asked.

  “I don’t know. But it helps.”

  Alex crouched down in front of William. “This hasn’t happened in a while,” he said and reached out to touch William’s cheek. “What’s bothering you?”

  William wanted to tell him the truth but he didn’t. “I don’t know.”

  When Alex heard this, he came to sit beside William on the floor, put an arm around him and William leaned into him.

  I know all there is to know about the crying game

  I've had my share of the crying game

  First there are kisses,

  Then there are sighs

  And then before you know where you are

  You're sayin' goodbye

  One day soon I'm gonna tell the moon about the crying game

  And if he knows, maybe he'll explain

  Why there are heartaches, why there are tears?

  And what to do to stop feeling blue when love disappears?

  Dave Berry “The Crying Game”

  CHAPTER TWO

  William couldn’t remember the last time he chewed his nails but he was doing it now for some reason. When Alex came out of the room he didn’t look so good. “How is she?” William asked, going to him.

  “She’s stable now but there’s no telling how much time she has left,” Alex said. “Sofia asked if we could move up the wedding date. You know, just in case.”

  William’s heart skipped a beat. “What did you say?”

  “I said yes. It’s her mother; she wants her at the wedding.”

  “Are you the Underwood family?” someone asked and Alex turned to her. One of the nurses was holding a document in her hand.

  “I’m her son-in-law,” Alex said. “Her family’s not here yet, but her daughter’s in the room with her, I could get her for you.”

  “It’s better if I talk to you,” she said and led Alex away.

  William was suddenly having trouble breathing.

  *

  William was throwing up everything he had for breakfast that day and probably most stuff from last night too. He flushed and came out of the stall, stood in front of the mirror, and rinsed his mouth with water, then splashed some on his face. He took out the pill bottle, swallowed one, and stood there, his hands against the sink, waiting for his body to go back to normal, but the shaking was bad this time and his legs were so weak he could barely stand. Some guy came out of the other stall, and washed his hands at the sink. “Are you alright?”

  “I’m fine,” William said, feeling the tremors lessening and the strength beginning to return to his legs.

  “I could get help—”

  “I said I’m fine!” William snapped.

  “Just trying to help asshole,” the man said and left the men's room.

  William closed his eyes.

  This isn’t happening.

  This isn’t fucking happening.

  *

  All the while the wedding was being arranged, William kept himself high on booze. He figured if he had to sit back and watch everything he was going to need the extra help. People kept coming up to the bride and groom and congratulating them and William kept picturing himself right next to Alexander doing all those things instead of Sofia but it was a fantasy that was never going to come true and that hurt. It hurt like nothing had ever hurt William before, it felt like no pain he had ever experienced. Like the world was crashing down on him, and the walls were closing in and he was dying every second, but instead of relieving his torture and giving him a break, people were making it worse. He couldn’t understand what he had done wrong or why he was the one going through this. Alexander had barely looked at him since the wedding had been announced. The only time he heard from Alex was when Alex needed something. A couple of times it was to pick someone up from their place, another few times to buy something last minute. William was going through all this without complaining because he didn’t feel like he had any right to complain. Alex looked happy. He seemed like he was okay with all this, so why should William bother him? He kept himself drunk enough, trying to convince himself he would get through this.

  He decided he was going to let go.

  It would be difficult, but he was going to do it.

  And that resolve lasted well enough until the day of the wedding.

  Baby,

  Now that I've found you,

  I can't let you go,

  Build my world around you,

  I need you so,

  Baby, even though,

  You don't need me,

  You do
n't need me,

  The Foundations "Baby, Now That I've Found You"

  CHAPTER THREE

  If there was any promise to himself that William Davenport wanted to keep that night, it definitely wouldn’t be the one that involved letting Alexander go. Watching Alex come out of the house all dressed up in a formal tux and slicked-back hair, William felt like his heart forgot how to beat, only this time it wasn’t due to some panic attack, but the completely ridiculous love he felt for the man standing in front of him. William couldn’t take his eyes off him. He downed another glass of champagne and tossed the flute. Everyone was looking at him. He heard Alexander excusing himself and then he came toward William and dragged him by the arm to the room that had been converted into the groom’s changing room. Alexander locked them in, shoved William against a wall, and started undoing his belt.

  “Alex, what’re you doing?” William tried to stop him.

  “What do you think I’m doing?” Alexander said and turned him around to face the wall.

  “Please stop,” William said, trying to break free, but Alex was holding him and he was stronger. William felt Alex’s body pushing into him despite his struggles. “Alex! Don’t! Please.”

  He watched Alex place one hand against the wall and then tightened it into a fist. His grip on William’s arm was vicious and he still looked angry and hell bent on fucking him. “Alex!” William yelled louder this time.

  Alex let go at last and William got away from him, started buttoning his pants.

  “This is what you want, isn’t it?” Alex said. “You don’t think I’ve been noticing you? All through the wedding preparations you’ve been acting up, so come on let’s do it. Get it over with so I can marry Sofia in peace.”

  The words felt like someone was crushing William’s heart.

  “Just go,” he said. “I’m sorry, I won’t cause any trouble, you have my word.”

  “What do you want?”

  William started to leave when Alex yelled. “Don’t you dare walk out that door!”

  William stopped in his tracks. Alex poured himself a drink and went over to sit on the bed. “Come here.”

  William walked over to the bed, stood in front of him.

  “Why are you acting this way?” Alex asked.

  “I can’t stand by watch you get married to some boring rich bitch stereotype!”

  “Rich bitch stereotype? Your hair products cost more than Berta’s salary! And don’t even get me started on those custom-designed sneakers.”

  “You don’t give a shit about me, you just order me around!”

  Alex set the glass aside and stood up to face William. He cupped William’s face in his hands. “Nothing’s changed, William. I still love you. I don’t need a ceremony to prove it. This marriage isn’t going to come between us. It’s just a piece of paper. I need to do this, because it’s important. For the business, for the family, for us. I’m not in love with her; this is just the practical thing to do.”

  William started crying and Alexander put his arms around him, hugged his brother close to his chest. “I know you’re scared, baby. I know it's hard, but I can’t live with your behaving like this, people are going to talk. You have nothing to be afraid of. I’m here, I’m right here.”

  Alex broke off and kissed him. William had barely kissed him back before Alex started taking off his tux. “What’re you doing?” William said.

  “Take off your clothes.”

  *

  Alex hadn’t wanted them to leave the groom’s changing room together, so about ten minutes after Alex left, William stepped outside. Alex and Sofia were getting ready to take pictures. William fixed his hair one last time and went to stand in his place for the group photo. Sofia might be the one standing next to Alexander in the photographs, but her beloved husband-to-be had just been in bed with William, sucking on his cock.

  William was going to write this down as a win.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  “When are you going to be back?” William asked hopefully.

  “Soon.”

  “I need you.”

  “We just got here. I can’t tell her I need to go back so soon.”

  “How’s it going anyway?”

  “It’s going like a honeymoon is supposed to go, what do you want; a minute-by-minute commentary?”

  “Why’re you being a dick?”

  “I have to go.”

  “Alex—”

  “I’ll talk later, okay.”

  The phone went dead before William could say anything about it. Alex had been that way ever since he had left for the honeymoon. After everything he had said to him the day of the wedding, William was trying to be patient, trying not to let this get to him but Alex was making that incredibly difficult. William was having trouble concentrating on anything. This morning he had trouble getting out of bed. He turned on his computer and checked his email. The minute he opened a social networking site, he saw himself tagged in a picture of a pregnancy test and he wondered what he was looking at until he realized it was posted by Sofia.

  A positive pregnancy test.

  William hurled the laptop against the wall.

  Stupid bitch.

  This is why Alex had been elusive all this time, he must have known.

  The panic attack came and William took the pill before it hit him full-force. But the fucked up thoughts going through his brain wouldn’t allow him to breathe. He called Alex again.

  Alex didn’t seem too happy about it. “What is it now?”

  “How long have you known?”

  “Known what?”

  “That she’s pregnant Alex!”

  “What the hell’s the matter with you, William?”

  “Fuck! You lied to me! You told me it didn’t mean anything! You told me you loved me so why are you having a kid with her?”

  “Hey if you can get pregnant we can work something out. Wonder who the kid will look like though.”

  “That’s not funny.”

  “No,” Alex said. “It stopped being funny when instead of congratulating me, you called me to demand an explanation!”

  “Congratulate you? To tell you that your sham of a life became an even bigger sham? Sure, Alex. I’m SO happy for you!”

  Without saying a word, Alex disconnected the call.

  Fuck.

  William called him right back. “Alex, I’m sorry—”

  But Alex dropped the call again.

  William tried again and again but Alex wouldn’t pick up.

  You’re killing me.

  *

  An entire night followed by an entire day of calling Alex and getting no response.

  If William was dying before, he was truly dead now.

  It was past nine pm and he was still in his office. Something about the view of the city from the tenth-story windowed walls of his private office made him feel less alone.

  He doesn’t care about you.

  Hasn’t called.

  Not once to see if you were okay.

  If you were alive.

  He downed the whiskey in his glass and poured himself some more.

  The phone rang and William rushed to pick it up but it was his mother.

  “Did you hear the news?”

  “What news?”

  “About Sofia.”

  “Yes I heard.”

  “Did you congratulate her?”

  William swallowed more of the drink to numb the hurt long enough to get through the phone call. “I will, mom. Later.”

  “I’m going to buy her something; you should come shopping with me.”

  “Sure.”

  “When are you going to find someone, William?”

  William couldn’t control the tears. “I don’t know, mom.”

  “Baby,” his mother said. “You’re okay, right? You’re happy?”

  William wiped his tears, strengthened his voice. “I’m happy mom,” he said. “Really. Stop worrying about me.”

  “Okay baby,” she sai
d. “Sofia asked me to call her. I’m going to do that now. I’ll see you at home.”

  “I might be late.”

  “Don’t be too late, you know your dad worries.”

  “Okay.”

  “Love you.”

  “Love you, mom.”

  William put the phone on the table. Refilled the glass. But the hurt inside him refused to go away. He tried one last time to call Alex. Alex picked it up. “Don’t call here again,” he said. “Whatever it is you want to say I don’t want to hear it.”

  “Alex please—”

  “I have to go.” The phone went dead again and after that it went straight to voicemail.

  William located the bottles of prescription pills on the table and poured the contents of both of them in his palm. He took a deep breath, popped them in his mouth and washed them down with the alcohol. Within five minutes he was hit by a sudden fear, he was unable to breathe and he knew this time it wasn’t due to a panic attack. He clutched his throat, terror-stricken, and got up from the chair, tried to leave the room but before he could get anywhere he fell on his face on the floor.

  *

  The janitor on duty saved him.

  When he woke up, William was a little disappointed. The pain came back immediately. His chest still ached with thoughts of Alexander. His mother sat by his bedside all night, weeping and praying and his father sat on the other side of the hospital bed. William closed his eyes when he saw them.

  He was going to be okay.

  And he had no idea if that was a good thing or not.

  *

  Alexander barged through the door. “Mom,” he said. “Could you leave us alone for a minute? I need to talk to him.”

  William couldn’t understand why he was still so delighted at the sight of Alex. But here he was, in all of this mess and yet more than willing to forgive forget and move on. But when Alexander came to stand by his bed, William knew he wasn’t the same Alexander who had told him he loved him on the day of his wedding. “What the hell were you thinking, William?”